To be alone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are lonely, this is a sentiment that I often see on the internet and can’t help but find myself agreeing with; if you read here often then you’ll know that I recently opened up about enjoying alone time and not feeling the need to constantly surround myself with others, I’m probably what you’d call a natural loner and my own company is what I desire most.
However this obviously acts as a cause for concern for the people that care about me, obviously my loved ones will start to wonder if I’m okay, does being alone truly bring me joy? and what if I got lonely? are things that I’ve been asked in the past, and to both of those I can obviously vouch for enjoying my lonerism.
The reason for this isn’t all that deep or complicated either. The truth is that in the past I’ve felt like I wanted to be surrounded by people constantly and I often thought about how I’d probably never have to worry about being on my own, but as I got older and as my life changed and adapted, I realised pretty quickly that I didn’t want to be surrounded by people for the sake of it, I realised that what I valued was genuine connections and if I felt like it, maybe I’d go out and start dating but I’d never push myself to do so.
This was a belief that I held onto, and obviously over the years I’ve had relationships and thought that I would be spending the rest of my life with people but it doesn’t take much thinking to realise that the person you’re spending the rest of your life with is yourself, the person that you have the most control over, who you can change and adapt to be who you want them to be, is only you.
But of course dating has to come into play with my blog, relationships is a topic that I intentionally made to be more prominent on my blog over the years, so what do I make of dating nowadays?
Honestly I still think that dating and online dating is the way forward for the world, I think that local dating is definitely where we should be putting our intentions forward, for example people have been speaking with me lately about how they want to find someone to simply hook up with and how they’d like it to be someone local to save hassle, for example someone living in Chesire might want to find a way to have sex in Cheshire and there’s a website for that or Google may take them to www.norfolksexsite.co.uk which is where they will persue dating from now on.
But for me, I don’t care about hook-ups, dating or relationships at the minute. Right now the person that I want to focus on and spend time with is me, I’ve noticed that I only bring as much joy into my life as I want to and I have actually, got complete control over that. I’ve also realised that it’s impossible to feel lonely when my values are with family, which I have plenty of. When I began to think honestly about the times in my life where I’ve been the most sad, it’s been when I couldn’t be with my family and loved ones, the pandemic was hard despite the fact that we can text, I wanted to see my family up close, once we were allowed to see one another, we saw each other, and I felt the happiest I’ve been since the whole pandemic kicked off, it’s hard to go through life and your biggest changes if you can’t even go and give your sisters or your mum a hug.
So to be a loner doesn’t neccessarily mean you want to be completely blocked off from the world and have nobody in your life, it simply means you have your limitations and your guard up, I’m definitely picky with who I get too close with and make an effort to loosen tight bonds once I realise the relationship is problematic, whether it’s friendly or romantic. The way I go about it may not be the best, which is definitely something that I need to work on within myself, but the sentiment and intention is true.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with my personality being this way, I think that romantic relationships and friendly relationships are wonderful and I understand why we feel the need to seek them out, but I’ve also decided to live my life for myself, to do what brings me joy and be more deliberate with what I want.