Life can be daunting and can seem like there’s one obstacle after the next, it’s easy to get stuck in a routine and eventually start to feel like you’ve lost your sense of self. Other factors can come into play, you may have been in a situation which meant that you couldn’t explore who you are as a person or ever connect with who you truly are, so when given the opportunity, it’s important to reconnect with ourselves.
I’ve recently been blessed with the opportunity to take time to myself and reconnect with who I am as a person and find out where I place myself in the world. It’s something that I haven’t done in a long time; it’s been refreshing and I feel good.
As with anything, it’s easy to forget how important we are to ourselves. When things get busy or when obstacles arise we can neglect ourselves a little bit and forget to take a minute to remind ourselves of who we are.
I’ve done a world of soul-searching these last couple of weeks, I’ve come to understand the things that I was always certain of, who I truly am, and then there’s new things that have come to light and also old things that have cropped back up.
Truth be told I’ve been feeling down for a very long time, I felt like everything that interested me was no longer fun, I felt like I was silenced in a world of loud opinions and that my place in the world had been removed. Then I was forced to face the reality of it all, forced to realise my potential and I took the time to connect with myself. I’ve spent hours – days in fact, getting to know myself once again.
Where it began…
If you follow my Instagram page then you might remember that I posted stories one evening tempted to watch an anime that I’d seen years before, it was an old favourite that had recently, or perhaps always, been put on Netflix.
Cast your mind back a few years ago if you’ve been following me that long, and you may remember I loved anime. I loved it so much I had features on my blog dedicated to it. I watched it constantly and it was a huge part of who I was as a person, but I’d lost the love for it and hadn’t seen anything in a long time that interested me and one of my old favourites even has a new season, I couldn’t get into it. I accepted that as simply growing up and letting go of old interests, but when I rewatched the show that I posted on my stories – I felt like myself again.
Now, I’m not saying anime cured me! but I am saying that revisiting an old love, and wanting to revisit it, made me realise that something had been wrong for a while and I’d lost the love and sense of self that I’d held so close and dearly all those years before.
I’d lost my confidence and my sense of independence had been taken away. I felt sad that this had happened and I hadn’t even realised it, disappointed in myself for not stepping outside for a minute to reflect on why nothing was interesting me anymore. The reasons became clear to me, they’re reasons I don’t want to go into honestly, but once I realised what had gone wrong and when, I decided that I was going to become me again.
So I spent days doing a fat load of: nothing – and by that I mean, I spent days reconnecting with myself and figuring out what I like and what my personality truly is. I came to love myself again and found myself interested again. There’s things I want to do again, things I want to talk about and it feels like a rush of self has come back.
As a creative person, I tend to blame most of my down moods and lack of inspiration and motivation on being a creative mind, I tell myself that these feelings are normal and that everyone goes through them but the reality of it is that’s not entirely true. Losing interest in everything and feeling like you’re dragging your feet and forcing yourself to love something isn’t normal. You shouldn’t have to force yourself to be interested in something just because you’ve lost your sparkle.
I also want to strongly iterate that this isn’t an advice post and I’m not trying to inspire you; I just want to get what’s been playing on my mind written down and placed in the world. I was in an unhealthy relationship with myself and the external factors playing a part in how I was feeling were piling up.
So this post has been pretty depressing up to now and I haven’t really done much happy-talk and haven’t touched the surface on my rise; because it’s only just begun. Only for a few weeks have I rekindled my love for myself, only over the last few weeks do I feel liberated, inspired, creative and like my old self again.
I decided that I was going to start doing more things for myself and stop worrying about other people’s opinions; this started when I went out and bought purple hair dye, something I’d always wanted to do but worried about what people would think, so I invited my sister over for an evening of hair dying, pizza and girl time, she dyed my hair for me and we were both thrilled with the results and I shockingly, or rather, unexpectedly have received a lot of compliments for my new hair colour, I wasn’t expecting it and settled on well I like it so, in that case, so what! So I felt happy that a choice that I had made for myself, that made me feel happy and gave me some freedom, ended up being received well too.
I then gave myself an office, I decided that if I’m going to be creative and give myself a space to create, I’m going to do it properly. This means that the room is used for when I want to work and not get distracted. This was a fantastic idea because I now feel like I’ve been churning out idea after idea, I’ve started a few little projects that I’ll be sharing with you in the future, but right now I’m experimenting, being myself, pleasing my creative soul and getting on with life.
I feel like we all often forget who we are and we need to give ourselves a push to be us again, be a little bit silly and have fun, let go and stop worrying so much. I think that this is the best way to receive a good quality of life: stop caring so much and be you.