My time in the dating scene has been and gone but what I’ve gained out of it is a more level-headed understanding of myself and my tastes. Any time that I would date, I’d know immediately or within the hour what was turning me off about somebody.
Too conservative. Too chatty. Eats too loud. Too into himself. Didn’t even ask me how I’m doing. The list goes on. So as quickly as I found myself enveloped in the dating scene I wanted to get out.
As I watched Sex and The City reruns on my parents TV a few years ago I questioned why I wasn’t finding dating to be fun, sexy and glamorous. I wanted to know what I was missing, and if it was just me being too picky or if it was as simple as striking up conversation on Facebook with the wrong people.
Just lately I found myself thinking about my time in the dating scene again, I definitely don’t miss it but I do think that once again, it’s completely changed. My time in the dating scene was definitely more online-based, I was striking up conversation with so called good-looking men on Facebook and getting asked out about a week later, I’d always hope to get to know them and fall for them but every time without fail I’d leave feeling annoyed.
Since then dating has become a bit more curated, the online world has definitely taken over and the urge to make a more filtered experience is more prominent than ever. Websites are cropping up left and right and I’m constantly hearing about new fads. As a relationships blogger, it’s obvious that I’ll keep my ears peeled, if I want to write relevant content I need to stay in the know, but I feel so far from the world of dating that each new fad sounds less and less appealing.
However: if I was dating now I’d consider many new things. I’d wait longer before going out with somebody, I’d be pickier with my choice of Facebook conversations and I’d interrupt a lot more, because frankly, I don’t care about your ex-girlfriend or about how you only club with the lads (gross).
I also think that my experience in a long-term relationship which is (hopefully) going well has made me lose my edge a bit. I don’t have to think about what to talk about or come up with things that make me interesting and really put an emphasis on them, I don’t need to say, “My older sister Lauren,” and instead I just say, “I spoke to Loz today.” and it has had me considering how I can be the best version of myself for my other half whilst remaining comfortable and familiar, because I definitely don’t want to go back into the awkward too self conscious to fart in front of him phase, but I do want to keep the flames burning.
As I’ve stated though, many things about the dating scene have changed, well, the online dating scene anyway, I definitely feel like location based searching is becoming a thing, I’ve mentioned it before with websites for a Dorset Dating Site and locations such as Kent, Stafford etc also have websites dedicated to them, it’s because the people running these websites want people to find love, they want to help you narrow down what your needs and desires are, and if you need someone specifically in your area, it saves you the hassle of swiping away from somebody because even though you specified within a mile, their bio says they’re studying at London.
The whole idea of online dating is also so that it’s convenient, it saves you hassle because sending texts isn’t necessarily a hard thing to do, and if someone is worth a date it means that you skipped awkward introductions and hanging around the same bar for a month waiting for some eligible bachelor to crop up.
I actually believe that contrary to what you may have heard, online dating is also a lot safer. You can easily block somebody and prevent further communication, they’ll never know where you actually live or where your local pub is because you didn’t meet within a yard of your home, if you go out on a date with somebody you’re not then forced to bring them home or to have the date close by to your home either.
I think that online dating can be a very positive experience and there’s obviously no shame in trying it out, I think that people like the idea of stumbling into somebody by chance because it’s so romanticized, but going out looking for somebody even if by the means of apps or websites, it’s fine and can be very fun and very positive for all involved. There’s no obligations and definitely no pressure.
So if you’re on the fence about trying online dating out, just give it a chance and you may find that it’s something that you really enjoy, and you never know, you may meet your special someone thanks to it.
But for people like me who have passed that phase in their lives and are now looking towards the future with someone else, we’ll constantly be amazed by new things that we here from the dating scene and feel a little bit relieved that we’re out of it, no matter how positive and curated it’s become.