I’m pretty sure that I’ve mentioned it before but I’ve always been somewhat of a hopeless romantic, fantasising about my future husband as a little girl and spending my teenage years trying my best to find ~the one~ because I just loved to be in love. I’d crave kisses, cuddles and hand holding, I wanted the whole shebang because I’d seen it so often on TV and in movies, and even amongst my parents, that I just wanted it all for myself as well. But I wasn’t always ready for a relationship which ultimately spoiled some pretty solid friendships and made things a bit awkward in the hallway at school and on the bus to college. So now I’m posing the question back to you: Are you ready for a relationship?
If you read on here often enough then you’ll know that I’ve been with my partner for over a year and a half now, we’re still what feels like a million miles apart but this long distance relationship has actually worked quite well and when we’re together, it feels great. I can solidly say that I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t feel like I need a relationship but I do love the one that I am in. I often look back and reflect on my desperate feelings for a boyfriend and think about what I’d tell that younger version of myself, I’d remind her that for a start: she is more than a man on her arm, and I’d also tell her that she has a lot of growing up to do before jumping into a relationship. Also, being single at sixteen is not embarrassing.
But I’m not actually writing this post for a lustrous teenager but rather for anybody, to come and understand that there are circumstances for why you may be single right now and that you don’t need to put yourself down for it, you don’t need to feel badly about it – and if those around you are pushing you to get a partner or to try Tinder or whatever else is on the app store don’t cave into the pressure. So here’s some reasons that you may not actually be ready for a relationship right now and why you shouldn’t go jumping head first into one because in the end, you and the other person will only be hurting.
You’re still hung up on an ex.
I’ve been guilty.as.charged for this. I’ve gone into a relationship or gone on a date when I’ve had another person in my mind the whole time, you only end up hurting the other person and yourself by doing this and the whole relationship ends up being pretty toxic. If you’ve recently been broken up with or have broken up with someone, or heck, not even recently, but you still have that person in mind constantly – do some self reflecting first and take some time to be single. There’s no rush to be in a relationship after one ends, it ended for a reason.
You’re not ready to let go of being selfish
When you’re single you get to spend some time to be selfish, everything you do is for yourself and you don’t have to bare someone elses opinion or feelings in mind, so if you feel like you’re not ready yet to start making compromise and be there for someone else, then you’re probably not going to make the greatest partner and perhaps you should try Tinder for the other reasons.
You’re feeling bored or lonely
This is not a reason at all to go out looking for a relationship. Yes being lonely sucks but honestly, if you have a good support network of friends and family around you then it’s enough. I was pretty bored during my singleness and going out pursuing boyfriends only resulted in dates that I actually didn’t really want to be on, and I spent the whole time wanting to go home. I couldn’t imagine myself being with the person sat in front of me and I frankly CBA with it. Every date like this ended with a cya never! I wasted mine and their time.
Everyone else you know is in a relationship, so why not?!
Again: Not a valid reason. Just because everyone else seems like they’re all loved up doesn’t mean that you need to be too. Your life is going this way because it’s meant to right now. Just because your best friend has a hunky new BF and they’re spilling all the sexy details over your weekly coffee doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be for you as well. Just enjoy the stories and go with the flow!
I am also a champion for being single for a while at least once in your life. I’ve spoken about it already in another post and I mean it, if you’re not ready to be at a certain stage in your life you simply cannot force it to happen, everyone ends up hurt in the end and you just need to go with the flow. There’s over seven billion people on the planet, there’s enough someone’s for everyone. Don’t sweat the relationship stuff if it’s not your time.