Something that I often like to procrastinate with is my irrational fears and things that bother me that I know shouldn’t. Whenever I’m in a deep thought or have something on my mind, I begin to wonder about the future and weird scenarios that could happen, or haunting ones that are an actual possibility and it has me wondering: Am I being irrational here?
You see, I talk about love and romance and dating quite a lot on here because it’s something that I’m genuinely interested in and do like to talk about, I feel like for the most part, I’m always in gooey land fantasizing about a world where everything I want in my love life has come to fruition, but then I also end up in existential dread of: one of us is probably going to die before the other.
A bit morbid but it’s a though process that I’m often thinking about, how sad life can be if you’re in love and will have to face the eventual loss of each other. I think that love, for the most part, is one of the most beautiful and essential things in our lives. You don’t have to be in love with someone, but there should be a person or a thing that you love. It’s what makes the world go around (besides money y’know), so it’s sad to see it go when it’s matters beyond either of your control.
I often look at my nan, who instead of moving on and finding a new love, she made a new best friend and now loves her as if they were sisters, there are some elderly folk that look into over 60 dating and go on to live the rest of their lives with a new soulmate, which is also equally as beautiful and fulfilling, because everyone is different and wants to live their lives in new ways no matter how old or how young they are. Life is for spreading love after all.
So why do I call this an irrational fear? Because even though I don’t want to see my partner die or have him see me die, it’s going to happen. It’s an inevitability that neither of us can avoid. So rather than sitting around being afraid for it, I feel like I should enjoy each day as it comes, loving him and being loved by him, embracing the fact that yes, life is temporary, but what we do during our lives is what matters the most.
Besides, the way that we see the world and how we view relationships has changed quite a lot over time, the way that my parents and my grandparents dated is completely different to how I have dated, and how I date may even end up being totally different to how my children date, so why should it be so surprising that in this day and age, older dating is also a thing for those who walk among us that have lost their loved ones, or may never even have found them.
I feel like I spend a lot of my time being worried about the future and not directly living in the moment, I think I plan too far ahead whilst being completely aware that anything could happen, and for that reason I start wanting things right now because I don’t want to be on my deathbed wishing that I’d just done it.
So this also applies to the love in my life, I love hard and I expect to be loved super hard in return, and maybe if I do get the chance to live to an old age and end up in a position where I’m either single or widowed, there will be lots of new ways for elderly singletons to not only meet new partners, but also to make new and important relationships as friends, second family and soul sisters.