As I began talking about sex and relationships on my blog, it was often in the back of my mind that I wanted to embrace all topics and give everything a go, this meant that I would eventually begin to dip my toe into sexual pleasure and what makes a woman tick. But the more I thought about it the more difficult I found it to open up about sexual pleasure. Relationships and the way we interact with people, romantically and sexually, has always interested me, ever since I was little (which might be a bit weird but lets not go there), so I wanted to open the topic on my website where women could come and talk to me and each other about their interests, whether it’s music they like or: sex things they like. But I’ve been struggling, and it hit me why.
THE SEXUAL STIGMA STILL EXISTS
If I’m being completely honest, in this line of work it’s quite known that brands want to work with influencers, bloggers and writers who are more vanilla, this means that you appeal to a wide audience and everyone can be interested in you no matter what the age range, you relate to everybody but you never say the F*** word and you never utter or even dare to mention the word: orgasm.
But truth be told, I don’t like this. I like the fact that I opened this website and began writing because I wanted to talk about something and everything that interested me. I also began writing longer think pieces because I wanted to open up an engaging and interesting conversation on my website instead of glossing over my ever changing beauty routine because my acne is on an up and down scale on a constant basis. I wanted to talk about things I like. I like the topic of sex – a lot. I read about it all the time, I read other women’s blog posts talking about sex, however I still feel like we’re being quietly ushered and that when clips of sex ed teachers talking about how to rock your ladies world goes viral, people find it funny and it becomes a meme. For christ’s sake, this is 2019 – let’s talk about female sexual pleasure people!!
It’s always been in the back of my mind though, that there is a stigma and also a misrepresentation of female sexual pleasure because it’s incompatible with how businesses and some social circles operate, people still widely believe that your sex life should remain private, and whilst to a point I do agree, I also don’t think that this should silence the conversation of women liking sex. I always hear about men making sexual innuendos and discussing sex things in their conversations whether it’s with a friend they’ve known twenty years or with a friend they met at work six months ago, but it’s like some sort of unspoken rule that when a woman talks about sex: she’s the unlikeable one.
Women talking about sex and enjoying sex is definitely still a taboo and it’s something that plays on my mind a lot – I obviously don’t want to preach to the congregation though, I’m sure you’re reading this because it intrigued you and you probably already agreed with me before you even started reading, so I want to open the discussion, both on my website and on my social media platforms, that women are allowed to have these conversations, women are allowed to express their sexuality however they choose to, and that there’s nothing in this world that is less important than what other people think, and let’s be honest: nobody thinks that an orgasm isn’t a good thing. They just don’t want you to talk about it.
I also want to acknowledge that sexual pleasure and being actively sexual is linked to having a happier and healthier life – people use the phrase “Sexually frustrated” because being down and in the dumps can happen when you’re not orgasming enough. Having regular orgasms has been proven to improve your mental health and this is simply because having an orgasm releases endorphins and oxytocin. This means that you instantly feel great, your body will become relaxed and you’ll feel a sense of euphoria. It’s ~science~ and it’s proven.
Just because you’re interested in sex, like we all are, and you like an orgasm, just as everybody else does, doesn’t make you a lesser person. You can be an accomplished, successful and even, independent woman and enjoy having sex or enjoy just getting off. There’s nothing wrong with it and it’s completely normal.
Plus let’s be honest – how many of us have seen movies and TV shows where the sex is sooooo insanely straight forward and everyone found it ~amazing~ and they’re all sweaty and satisfied and you’re watching thinking, “Is that all it took?” because that’s not realistic. I definitely blame Hollywood and porn for the lack of understanding of how the female body works, it also shocks me that there’s a large amount of women out there that don’t know how their body works and think that they literally.cannot.orgasm. This blows my mind. There’s a lack of education out there, and I’m not saying that schools should be teaching you, like I said last year in my first sexy blog post, but I am saying there needs to be more material out there for young women and even older women to learn about their bodies and get to know what it is that they love, like and hate (and we all know what we hate the most, admit it, something instantly sprung to mind) without there being a stigma or a sense of awkwardness attached to it.
So here’s to opening up an open discussion with each other and getting to know our bodies in new ways all of the time. Let’s be sexy and proud of it.