I know what you’re thinking: Georgia you said you’d never talk sex on your blog because it was so utterly embarrassing that one time when you did, and your mum read it! So: mum if you’re reading, please don’t tell me about it – and for the rest of you: Hello!
This is a bit of an out there topic for me but it’s one that has definitely been on my mind a lot lately: Why is sex on the first date still taboo? Why won’t people – specifically, women, talk about it more in a less embarrassed light? I’m definitely a relationship kind of girl and I’ve got zero experience with one night stands and the like, but that doesn’t eliminate the fact that I have an opinion on those things.
To me, sex isn’t something that women should feel ashamed of, we’ve all sat in class aged fourteen to age whatever listening to the lads talk about what porno they watched last night, and I work in a male dominated environment and I’ve got to say: It’s still the same. The guys who go out to get drunk and meet girls come in on a Monday morning beaming with pride to talk about it, and it’s applauded. I bet you, that woman who they slept with didn’t spill details so proudly over a glass of wine with her gal pals and certainly didn’t go back to work on Monday morning eager to tell her work mates about it.
But I digress, a one night stand and sex on the first date are two different things. When you meet somebody and you form a bond with them, there’s obviously some chemistry there, sexual or not, which is why dates exist. You go on a date to test the waters, to see if you like them enough to continue seeing them and to see if you have a strong bond, so why shouldn’t sex be in the mix? Because realistically, although not the main priority, sex does have a big role in a relationship, whether or not people are proud to admit that. But it’s true, if you’re in love with somebody then the odds are you’re sexually attracted to them too, you can see yourself making a family with them – but if you’re dating, and seeing somebody, why should you hold off for months on end, if your sexual chemistry just doesn’t align, isn’t it easier to find out sooner rather than later?
Now, this is a part of my body positivity series, so you’re probably wondering how having sex on a first date and being body positive align: It’s simple. As a woman I can tell you now that I love my body and I am confident within it, yes I will joke about my double chin and bacne because I can – it’s no defence mechanism or shadowing, it’s just the fact that I want to, the same way that I feel like if you’re out on a first date and both of you want to have sex, why shouldn’t you?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the topic of sexual relationships, because it’s interesting to me. I’ve been on a few dates whilst I was single and out of every date I went on, I didn’t feel romantically or sexually attracted to any of them, really. I was looking for a bond that was strong enough to be romantic, sexual and friendly all in one go – which I do have now, and none of the people before my partner really ticked each box; I didn’t want to have sex with any of them.
So I’ve found myself wondering why we care so much about the sex lives of people who don’t really matter to us. If I had written just then that I had slept with every man that had taken me out; how would you have felt? Why?
Truth be told, I definitely think that we’re fascinated by sex because of our instincts but we’re fascinated by what other people are doing because we’re nosey. I definitely think that a part of female empowerment and body positivity is coming to accept sexual nature and embrace what we like, what we want and who we want to do it with, whilst not criticising or belittling others for doing the same. The same way we talk about how women should uplift other women instead of dragging them down, women and men shouldn’t be so quick to stick a tag on somebody who is openly sexual, and open to testing out having sex with somebody whilst only on their first date. Why not?
Sex is different for everybody and we all feel differently about it, we have different things that we like and dislike, different tastes and styles; this definitely aligns with sex on the first date, but the same way that BDSM seemed to have a big kick when Rihanna had her S&M phase, things tend to get “normalised” as time goes on, or as big names begin to talk about things, or even, as socially, things just become the norm. Remember when Tinder first came about? So many people were like nah it’s just a hookup app, which yeah it definitely was and still is used for that reason, but people have come forward and talked about how they met the love of their life on there, when I was single people were suggesting Tinder to me, and it took no time at all really for it to become the norm – yet it seems sex on the first date is a closed-doors situation, a lot of people just really won’t open their minds to it or stop branding women the S word and men players just because they decided to test out the sexual waters with somebody they saw as a potential life partner.
I’m still curious though, if you’re reading this and feel strongly against having sex on the first date, why? Or if you’ve done it and didn’t like it, or even if you did – how was it for you?