Long Distance is something that most people don’t venture into, it’s something that when you admit to doing people are curious, you get quizzed on it a bit and it’s fascinating. When you’re in the relationship itself though, it feels very normal to you. There’s not much different about it. But I’ve had fun being in one, so I took to Instagram to ask you, to ask me, what you’d like to know the most!
The truth is, when you google about long distance relationships (I’m not ashamed to admit to doing this), you’ll notice a pattern – all of the results are articles and all of them are talking about saving it or making it better in some way. This is critically disappointing to me as someone in a LDR – they work, you can make them work. I don’t need help, I’d LIKE to see more success stories. I definitely feel very very pleased in the way that I’ve been able to see and spend time with Pedro more than most long distant couples do, but that’s because he’s only a 3 hour flight away and the cost of a flight over there isn’t exactly bank breaking. None the less, you still had questions you wanted me to answer – so let’s dive in!
What are your tips for a new Long Distancer?
When we first officially met, we had already been friends for around 7 years, we knew each other well enough to immediately feel comfortable but it also meant we knew what the online life was like, we already had experienced the distance just without the label sitting on it. So to me it wasn’t new, everything came naturally because we were used to being far apart. But that doesn’t mean that you are. My advice is:
- Trust them with all of your trust
Long distance relationships heavily rely on trust and is the reason why a lot of them break down. He’s a lot more sociable than my exes, as in he has a lot of friends and some of them are women. Do I get jealous? Of course. But the whole point of any relationship whether it’s long distance or not, is to love and trust them fully. Which I do, and you should too. If you’re ever in doubt confronting them with your feelings is always an option but don’t jump to conclusions.
- Never stop making the effort
It can get lonely, and it can begin to feel more lonely if one or both of you stop putting in the effort to be loving and sweet in the way you were originally. I tell Pedro that I love him all the time and he does too, the loneliness is unavoidable whether you’re loving constantly or not, but making the effort on a constant basis takes away the hurt of loneliness, and it actually can make you feel closer than you are.
- Skype often
For me, Skype is a massive coping mechanism. Without it, I’d feel blue more often than not. There’s something about being able to see his face and hear his voice, watch movies together and hear his laugh that fulfils me. Not in the same way being with him fulfils me, but it makes things feel less rubbish. We’ve had times where Skype hasn’t been used as much and it definitely took its toll on me, strictly texting honestly feels empty after a while. You don’t even need a computer to Skype either, if you have a phone that doesn’t support Face Time or you have different devices, just download the app! Simples.
Does being further away from each other mean that you argue less?
I answered this briefly on my story but said I’d come back to it on this post – which I am! The quick answer to this is no. We don’t argue regularly, and when we do its over really silly things that only a long distance relationship could make you argue over, but just because we’re far apart doesn’t mean that we don’t get on each others nerves from time to time. He’s told me that I’m somewhat of a nightmare when I’m on my period, and I have to agree with him because most of our arguments have been whilst I’ve been on my period. Whoops!
The thing is, unlike if you argue in person there’s no physical way of making up or ending the argument, there’s no “I’m sorry” cuddles and there’s no makeup kissing and makeup kissing if ya know what I mean (sex). But I also feel like it forces you to offer a more genuine thought out apology too, and an argument actually reaches a conclusion. Do I like arguing with him? Nope. But it happens, as it does with all couples.
Do you feel like there’s more differences being in a different country vs the same but in different cities?
Massively. There’s culture differences, language barriers with his family and of course: Getting a flight is more expensive than a quick train ride. When I first visited Lisbon though, I felt like I was more connected with him in some way. I’d walked down the same streets he had, seen things he was used to but were completely new to me. Even the last time I went when he showed me his school and the neighbourhood he grew up in, it was all so different to how it is here but I felt more connected with him in some way. But here’s what you experience differently:
- Languages (there’s lots of, “Try saying this!” and also lots of “How do you say this?”)
- Less frequent visits
- If you’ve never been to where they’re from before – a new holiday experience!
- You’ll learn a lot about their country – and it’ll be interesting