To be in a relationship is something we’ve all done, it’s something we’ve all lost, and something we’ve all tip-toed around at some point. Some have been amazing, others have been a bit eh, and we’ve all been in at least one terrible relationship in our time. Every relationship you get yourself into is going to be very different because not everyone on the planet is the same, so not every boyfriend or every girlfriend, or every partner you’re going to get will be the same as the last.
Whilst some of us have been through phases of having our guard up and expectations nice and high, others have happily settled into a loving long-lasting relationship early on. When you are in a relationship though, you get to learn a lot about the other person. Their needs and wants, their likes and dislikes. You sometimes even end up knowing them arguably better than you know your best friend of nine years.
As of right now, I’m in a relationship and I’d say it’s one that has taught me a lot, it’s one where I’ve achieved happiness unlike before and where I’d say we’re both quite good at getting on each others nerves from time to time whilst also being quite good at exchanging too many I love you’s. Oh the cheese. Isn’t it lovely?
Everybody can be a bit of an arse from time to time but there’s also many factors that a lot of us have learned from, and a lot of others are yet to learn. Like I said, we’ve all had at least one crap relationship, and they ended for a reason. So when is the time to move on?
I’m writing this from personal experience, so even though I’m trying to be as inclusive as possible to all genders, sexualities and preferences, these are from a personal point of view.
1. You Start To Feel Self Conscious Around Them
This one for me took me too long to realise it was happening. It’s not okay for someone to make you question yourself every day, question your personal style or even the things you like. If you’re starting to like things and hide them from your S/O because you’re afraid of them laughing at you, or making a snide judgmental remark, then maybe they’re just not that great. They’re probably really insecure themselves, which is definitely not an excuse, and if you can’t happily be yourself around someone, don’t be around them at all.
2. They Talk About Their Future – You’re Not In It
This happened to me one time and when I mentioned “Future girlfriend? What?” I was hit back with “What? You’re expecting this to last forever?” Sorry but what a jack ass. Believe it or not that wasn’t a red flag enough for me to move on, and the dumping came a few months later (*facepalming* at my past self), but if they’re talking about their future, mentioning their future girlfriends or wives, then you’re definitely wasting your time – unless you both feel the same and you’re just wasting some time with each other, get out.
3. Hiding Their Phones
My current partner and I actually both know each others pass codes and I’d trust him with my phone without me in the room and he actually leaves his phone with me all the time when we’re together, so there’s not really any snooping going on or anything because he’s running off with his phone just to go and put some pizza in the oven, or he’s not going through mine because I feel the need to take my phone with me just to answer the door.
Before you scoff at this point as well, in the millennial generation where cellphones are our lives, this is a pretty big deal to a lot of people now. Everyone has their right to privacy, and I think snooping is definitely not something anyone should do regardless of the reasons why, but honestly what’s wrong with trusting someone with your phone if you ain’t got nothing to hide?
4. You Just Can’t Agree On What You’re Doing
As in, if you mention marriage or babies, they recoil in their seat and change the subject because it’s making them uncomfortable. If they don’t want to get married ever and don’t want babies, it’s definitely an important conversation to be had and one that you can definitely come to an agreement on even if you have differing opinions, but if you can’t have that talk and you don’t know where things are headed, then you’re probably not going to go much further.
I actually have lived most of my life saying I don’t want babies, and I don’t want to get married. This was something my partner and I had spoken about and agreed on a long time ago. As we’ve gotten closer and as time has gone on, a conversation that this time last year we wouldn’t be having, is one we have a lot: Our future wedding and how we’ll be as parents. It’s a conversation I thought I’d never have with someone, and in a serious context too, but it’s one I have, and one that makes me feel like yes! we’re on the same page – this is where it’s headed!
5. You’ve Got Nothing In Common Anymore
Conversations run dry and you can’t come up with something to say to each other. Comfortable silence, where you’re on your phones or both sitting together but doing different things, is OK – but when you’re sitting there uncomfortably trying to come up with something to talk about, then maybe you should raise that red flag and consider: Is it because we just have nothing in common anymore?
People grow and people change, sometimes you do it together and other times you grow apart. This can happen in 12 months or in fifteen years, it can happen. It doesn’t always happen, but it can. If you’ve been together six months and you’re already grasping at strings at what to talk about and what to do, then I’d say to that: You’re probably best off moving on now.
6. They Laugh At Your Excitement
I’m someone who gets excited over the most ridiculous things. My partner has to put up with “I’m excited” texts from me all the time because there’s always something I’m looking forward to. But I’ve been with people who got annoyed at me for being happy and excited about a thing, and would also laugh at me and make me feel a little bit silly for getting happy about something.
If this is the case and you’re starting to feel embarrassed or like you can’t share your excitement with them, if they’re belittling you for doing what you love or even for getting a bit too happy about a purchase, then is this really someone you want to spend any more time with on an intimate level? You get with people because they can be themselves around you whilst you can be yourself around them, so why would you let that stop happening – go find someone better!