As I’ve gotten older, I can’t help but notice that dieting, get slim fast pills and workout DVDs are a hot topic amongst adults. Slimming World has become one of the most popular dieting programmes and getting into that size 10 dress seems to be an addiction. But, for me, I can’t get my head around it: Why all the fuss on weight loss?
I understand if you’re clinically obese, or if you just want to get a little bit healthier, it’s fine, introduce a balanced diet into your lifestyle, go for walks every evening, it’s totally fine and actually, there’s nothing wrong with that. What does bother me, is perfectly beautiful women are getting so obsessed about their weight and it’s just so upsetting to me. I was one of these women. I constantly worried about being “fat” and when I gained weight, it was the end of the world for me. It was emotionally tiring. So I stopped letting it get to me.
It wasn’t just a random decision I made though, it was a gradual acceptance of my body that I first had to come to terms with. I had to look at myself in the mirror and feel confident. It helps that I have people around me who make me feel beautiful, and it helps that I constantly feel loved by these people, but it wasn’t other peoples acceptance that I was after. It was my own.
I admit, that when I sat down I would stare at my thighs, I’d call them my “Thunder thighs”, I’d wish they were juuust a little bit slimmer, and that my hips weren’t so wide so that I had a hard time finding trousers and jeans that would squeeze over my bum, and it was when I realised that these type of thoughts were doing no good for me, that this little self-mission began.
When I go shopping now, I actually go into fitting rooms to try clothes on. I used to avoid this because I just found it completely embarrassing if something didn’t fit and I’d have to take it back to the sales assistant and tell her, or him, that it was too small. Now, I think screw it! I’m trying it on, and if it makes me feel good, I’m having it. This was a big step for me though. If I went shopping with my Mum, who is a criminal for the: “Just go and try it on.” line, I’d shrug and groan, and say “I’ll just bring it back or flog it on Depop if it doesn’t fit.”
Hard to believe that this wasn’t even that long ago, and what may seem like a small step to you was actually quite a big one to me.
I still get insecure and worried, but doesn’t everyone?
Of course every now and then I find myself getting worried that I’ve put on a few pounds, or that my stomach is looking a little bloated, it’s normal and everyone does, but not to the extremes I used to. I would think that compared to my sisters, I was ugly, because Lauren has a beautiful figure and can wear brightly coloured clothes confidently, and that Mia is skinny and tall, so I was just an eye sore compared to her. It was actually Lauren who started to make me feel good about my curves, whether she knows it or not, it was a comment she made when she came over for dinner one evening and I walked downstairs in some, rather tight PJ bottoms. She said “Oooh look at those curves!” in an enthusiastic tone, and went on to say something about her “sexy” sisters. This comment stuck with me, because whether she intended it to or not, it made me feel really good. Especially coming from her.
After she made this comment, I had a little pact with myself: To love myself. To accept my curves, and to stop shying away from certain clothes because I was too “fat” for them. And why is “fat” a bad word? Why can’t you be fat and happy? Well, whatever. I’m happy with my body, because my friends, and loved ones, make me feel great about myself, and when I look in the mirror, I like what I see.