We live in a world where we’re all social media obsessed, we see the literal picture perfect life on our feeds on an everyday basis which will then trigger the “I wish I was doing that,” mentality and it makes you look at your own life and feel a little bit…meh. I’ve spoken a lot in the past though about my feelings towards social media, but on this particular topic it’s more like an issue coming from the inside of my own head. I’m always worrying about the fact that my life seems to go in a cycle: work, home, blog, bed, sleep over and over and over every single day. It’s had me thinking: Am I truly living my life to the max?
When I look at what I’ve done in the past 12 months vs the past 5 years, I’d say I’ve done a lot more now, but there’s still the aching thought lingering that it’s not enough. I’m twenty years old, these should be my fun years, where I move around the world, explore the world, get drunk every weekend and make new friends. But you see, if I went out getting drunk every weekend, that wouldn’t be me. Would that fulfil my need to have more fun and live my life more fully? Definitely not.
I won’t sit here and say that getting drunk and going out doesn’t = a good time, cause it does – and it’s not something that I’m against because I do go out and get drunk from time to time and I do like an alcoholic drink in a pub, but just because it’s what my friends and their friends are doing, doesn’t mean that it’s something that I’m personally going to find hits the spot. But even then, when I see the insta stories and the posts on Facebook, I start to feel like I’m not living my life enough, I’m not fitting the mould of an average 20-something – but I have to question: Is that what I want?
By now I do understand what I want out of life and where I want to be in five years time, I know what my dreams and ambitions are and I’m very much aware of how to get to these points, but I also find that my constant dreaming and looking towards what the future has to offer is a hindrance, it prevents me from living in the moment, something that I haven’t given myself the chance to do.
Contradicting that though, looking towards the future right now, I want to secure my blog, I want to have a family and I want to be somewhere that I feel the happiest – most fulfilled, and I understand that life isn’t so kind as to just offer you these things, and I begin to wonder: What if I reach a point where I do actually have it all, and then look back and regret not doing more whilst I was younger?
I also understand how incredibly lucky I am, I’ve already been to Portugal three times this year and that’s definitely not something I do see the twenty-somethings around me doing, by choice or not. I also understand that to a lot of people who follow my social media, me writing this can be a bit “Yeah yeah,” because I’ve painted a picture of what I want others to see, and perhaps my life would be the most fulfilling life to some, that there’s things people would be dying to do that I have done, but should that fact alone stop me from worrying so much?
What is enough fun?
This is the thing, you can’t measure the amount of fun you’re having and how much you’re living your life. There’s no way of measuring it, you just know when you’re in a place of contentment and you just know these things – so does my worrying mean that I’m not content?
In this moment, I can’t actually say that I am content. Maybe a year ago I was, but that was because I was quite happy to blindly walk down any path, I’ve set my sights on goals and desires this year, I’ve created aims and wishes, and I can’t rest until everything has fallen into place because that’s simply just the type of person who I am.