BEING SELFISH ONLINE
Everyone remembers being a child, looking at people aged twenty and over and thinking that these are the people who have it all together, the people who are content in life and have achieved their hopes and dreams. When you hit your twenties, you realise that you’re the same person you’ve always been, that you’ll constantly be creating new hopes and dreams and fighting for new opportunities constantly. But sometimes you find yourself with the overwhelming feeling of content and happiness, even though, being content is so far away from now.
For me, this is usually when I hit a good job with a business for a collab on my blog, or when I’ve spent some time away and life feels good. I find myself feeling lazy, like I don’t need to make any more steps because how could it get any better than this? It’s not a great mindset, but I do think that it does temporarily calm me down, and it’s almost the same as hitting reset, or taking a break away from blogging, like I have done in the past, but without taking the break and without hitting reset.
I think that blogging, as a hobby or a job, is something that can become an obsession. You can become so swamped up in “for the blog,” or “for the Gram,” that you forget that the real world exists, that your life isn’t just pictures and words.
When I was a child, I’d look at people in their twenties and expect that by the time I hit twenty, I’d be married with a child, that I’d be with a mortgage and will have faced no hardships in my life because it looked that easy. At twenty, I’m still living at home, I’m not married and I definitely do not want a child any time soon, as I’ve spoken about before.
At twenty, I’m focusing on my blog, focusing on small yet significant successes and I’m hoping to lift my blog up more and more every day. I take breaks regularly from blogging, I like to bulk write and then take a week or two off, I feel like it gets my head out of the whole blogging bubble, I like to take time away from Twitter because I feel like it’s the perfect place for bloggers to congregate and complain about the hardships of blogging. It’s easy to get sucked into a world of complaints and not realising that the reason you started a blog was just for a bit of fun.
I will say, over the last few years, blogging has taught me a lot about myself, and it’s taught me how to manage my social media better too. I went a long time without hinting at having a boyfriend, without talking about plans I’d made for my personal life, I rarely talk about my job and I’m sorry but I hate writing tweets out complaining about small details of my life. Some people will definitely disagree with me on that, and probably think that it takes away the “realness” of the person behind the account, but to me, you’re following me for my blog, you’re following me for the pictures I post, not for my daily woes and complaints.
I’m not going to lie and say that it’s because I’m aiming on spreading more positivity online or that I’m trying to make my space a less negative space, it’s just for simple selfish reasons like, why should I put out there that I’ve had a bad day? Why should I feel obligated to share every time something sad or unfortunate happens in my life?
I also do believe it’s the same for successes, like yes okay, we all love to tell people of the great times in our life and we all love to put out there when we’re doing well, but it’s also a rarity these days for me to put online when something great has happened in my life too. Good things happen all of the time, there’s been things that have happened that I probably would’ve loved to have shared but I just don’t feel like it’s a necessary thing for me to do. I like to put my opinions and my thoughts online, I like to share what I think about certain topics and I like to be helpful and give informative pieces as well as just basic reviews and whatnot, when major life events come into play, like if I was pregnant or had gotten engaged, of course I’d share that because again selfishly, when you post it online, it’s an easy way to spread the news.
I will say though, I’ve been the kind of person who over shares online, I’ve been the girl tweeting out every frustration, Facebook statusing when a relative had gotten on my nerves, I’ve been that person, I’m definitely not going to act like a saint here and say I’m a pro at not over sharing, because at some point obviously I wasn’t.
I often worry that I come across personality-less and robotic on my social media because I see so many people sharing their daily woes, I see so many people who aren’t worried about over sharing, and it often makes me wonder if perhaps I’m too in my head about it, but any time I go to write out a status talking about my personal life in a more intricate way, I end up deleting it and thinking, “I don’t want to post this online!” because, well, in a world where you can post anything with the click of a button, it becomes hard to have privacy. It becomes difficult to keep things to yourself, and everyone knows everything. I don’t want Sally in New Orleans knowing this and that about me, and I certainly don’t want Bob down the road knowing I think he’s an idiot!
However, when the time comes for an announcement, I will share it, and when I decide to completely private all of my accounts, and when I decide that I’ve had enough of writing my inner thoughts out on this website, I may find myself sharing more, because I may feel like those who can see my posts, I’ve selected by choosing to allow them to follow me, I’ll know who I’m sharing with.
I do like using Instagram and Twitter for my online persona, and don’t get me wrong: I do have private accounts on most social media where I probably do post more personal and random things, but I do feel like it also makes no difference in my life because I still find myself restricting what I share and what I say either way.
Maybe, in a world where we’re so used to accessing information about everybody, where we’re so used to seeing person X on Twitter had a bad day and the exact reason behind it, we may never go back to being completely private. But for me, I’ll continue to be selfish online and be aware of what I’m sharing, and who with.