I’m someone who can embrace change like it’s nothing, obviously there are times when changes makes me sad, for example I hate my birthday because the thought of getting older is not something I enjoy, but for the most part, change to me, is a good thing.
So… What’s changing?
Me. I am. I haven’t been thinking as deeply or as gloomy as I usually do as of late, I haven’t upset myself thinking about death and the impending inevitability of one day just being a corpse, I haven’t sat questioning, “What am I contributing to the world?” and – well, you get the jist of it. I’ve stopped being so gloom and doom, so miserable.
I looked back to compare myself now to myself a year ago, the me a year ago was pretty much a Debbie Downer, I was conscious of myself to the point comparison was a must, I was following trends for the sake of not being left behind and I was applying a lot of pressure on myself that I didn’t need to.
Looking at myself in the present, I’m the exact opposite. I’ve stopped giving a crap about what Fiona the flamboyant fashion blogger is wearing, I’ve stopped watching beauty gurus on YouTube just to sit and think, “I wish I was that pretty”, and instead watch them because I like makeup and makeup is fun. I think, overall, I’m pretty cool and I’m definitely better company to be sat with these days.
I didn’t make a conscious effort to make these changes
These changes just happened. I actually think it’s just a part of getting older, or maybe the best choice of words here without being utterly cringe, is “maturing”. I’m maturing.
I won’t say, gone are the days of self discovery! I haven’t even hit twenty yet, so of course I’m still finding myself and discovering new things about myself, but gone are the days of uncertainty, I think. I haven’t double checked myself in a while and I even started writing about things I’ve been thinking about for months. Would I have written like this 12 months ago? Absolutely not, I think I was applying too much pressure to even show you, the reader, a side of me which is self reflecting, negative and human.
Surrounded by good people
I have a bad habit of not letting the negative people go, I’m not confrontational and I like to avoid arguments as much as I possibly can. This is definitely a character flaw that I have since it doesn’t solve anything and I can end up pretty annoyed about it.
Sadly, I haven’t managed to change this about myself but I am surrounded by good people nowadays. Since December I’d say, and it’s made such a world of a difference, I can express myself and get excited about things without worrying about someone laughing at me or belittling me.
I also think that a lot of girls on Twitter who are within the blogger circle are just genuinely lovely people, if I tweet about feeling low, having no motivation to blog, you bet that someone will reach out and try to uplift me.
I will continue to change
These changes are mostly natural, my life isn’t the same today as it was 6 months ago and my outlook towards life seems to be changing every single day. As I get older, I won’t stop changing, I’ll become more and more content with life and myself just like I have been. Change is good, and I’m embracing it.