A point I thought would never come in my life, is adulthood. Legally, I’m an adult the moment I turn eighteen years of age, this year I will turn twenty. The thought of turning twenty is frightening, but then, the thought of turning eighteen also sent shivers down my spine. Alas, I have another eight months left to worry about this milestone in my life, and my existential crisis is not the topic of this post.
I’ve noticed it a lot lately, but I definitely do feel more “adult,” I can’t quite put it into words, because I don’t really know the definition of how to be an adult and act grown up, but thoughts of wanting to be like somebody else, discovering my sense of style and my unmissed apathy have just vanished into thin air. I focus on wanting to go to work, I take no interest in what other people do and have, and I live the life that God blessed me with without looking towards what other people are doing.
I’m not saying you’re childish if you still have a sense of “Who am I?” lingering in the back of your mind though, it’s definitely a part of life that we discover and rediscover ourselves constantly, it’s human nature and perfectly normal, but I am saying, that my teenage self really reached out and went out of her way to be another person, who she was not and at some point, I stopped worrying about all that nonsense and became one in myself.

There are some people out there who absolutely dread their twentieth birthday, the days come and go, and it’s only ten years away from thirty, another era of our lives where we will begin to question ourselves, but to me, even though I’ve spent months agonizing over age, I’ve realized that these birthdays will come and go and my life will continue to go on without me even batting an eyelash after they have. Maybe when I’m forty I’ll tell people I’m thirty, or maybe when I’m fifty I’ll tell people I’m thirty five, but the older I get, the more I realize that all this worrying that I’ve done as a young person has been, well, silly really.

So, what does it mean to “adult?” Do we ever learn? Is it taking out a mortgage or getting married and having a child that makes the fact we’re adult set in stone? We never really come to realize it really, or perhaps because I’m still only nineteen, I have years left before I look back at my life and think, “Wow, I’m really an adult now.” How I saw adults as a child to how I see them now has totally changed, but my perception of what an adult was when I was a child compared to how it is now, was a lot more intimidating and official looking.

Trivial and petty things are what have worried me the most over the years, because I haven’t really had any real problems to worry about. As a child I worried about going to school and being bored all day, as a young teenager I worried about whether or not I was “emo,” enough, which I now look back at and cringe in disgust at myself. Now, I worry about getting a blog post finished on time, or getting in to work on time every day. My problems are trivial, the things that play on my mind are still the problems of a naive teenager, at the end of the day.



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